Repercussions of Punching a Demon God in the Face
by narysowany
Summary: Set in the anime-verse, one week after Asura's death. After returning to school, Soul and Maka find out quite a lot of jokes have been made about her. Most of them Black*Star's...
1. Chapter 1 (1-10) - A Long Weekend

**Set in the anime-verse because I really don't like the SE Manga.**

**This... is something. It's a semi-serious fanfic focused on humor but extremely ridiculous. I had this idea when thinking of where all the Chuck Norris jokes are gone. I'll continue this if this is well-received.**

**My first Soul Eater fanfic, enjoy~**

**Repercussions of Punching a Demon God in the Face**

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><p>Soul was a cool guy, everyone knew that, he knew that, his partner knew that, his friends knew that, hell, entire Shibusen and an impressive part of the city knew that.<p>

Up until a week ago, only he thought Maka was somewhat cool, except maybe for a few other nerds. It all changed in a matter of three days, three extremely chaotic days, which include, but are not limited to the following:

Attack on Medusa's hideout and the (still not confirmed) death of the witch, if her hiding place could be generously called that, and the retrieval of Proffessor Stein from the madness;

Black*Star facing his inner demons, as he finally defeated Mifune in a fair fight;

Death City growing legs;

Arachne's castle growing legs and a laser weapon;

Shinigami-sama's near-death experience;

Asura's murder of the spider-obsessed witch;

Maka's, Black*Star's and Kid's suicidal objective to fight the Demon God, Asura;

And what was more insane, was Maka's... unusual and desperate, (as all her teammates were out cold) but somehow successful weapon of murder against the Kishin.  
>A fist wrapped in courage.<p>

No, the crackfic has not begun, I shit you not, dear reader, this is actually what happened.

Word got out, from the loudmouthed Black*Star, of who and how defeated the would-be murderer of their God of Death.

At first it was shock, a huge wave of disbelief. And then a few cameras were recovered from the battle site, every part of the fight recorded.

Students of Shibusen learned quite a lot from the thirty-minute long clip, facts like:

You can't kill Death the Kid, as it was proven by the fact that he was stabbed straight through the heart. The fact that Black*Star was a stubborn bastard, the fact that Maka Albarn was an even more of a stubborn mule. And that she was also a weapon, making her the first recorded Hybrid.

All of this upon some additional facts from the past, seemingly forgotten, made their return to school after a week a huge pain in the ass.

Just an hour ago, Soul found a little stack of paper, on which were scribbled some kind of jokes. Jokes his meister (?) would really not appreciate, and after a few minutes of uncontrollable rage, would Maka-chop the entire school.

At first he decided to not show them to her, maybe burn them down, but he sorted the pages (the jokes were numbered) and he saw something on the first page.

**_Jokes made and collected by your true God, Black*Star ™_**

Black*Star was soon going to be in a world full of pain.

He flipped through the pages, as he walked through the hallways of the DWMA, looking for his partner and best friend. The classroom, the "mess hall" (as some students called it, because of the terrible food), and then he found her in the library._  
><em>

Always with a book, a quite thin book, this time around. Oh, this is why. Despite not making Soul a Death Scythe yet, all people that defeated Asura, were granted third tier access. Which meant that a huge part of all the libraries opened up to her, detailed history and various other books.

He quickly sat next to her, and looked at his partner, as she was dressed up in her typical uniform, a coat with only the top two buttons buttoned, a skirt and a shirt underneath the coat.

"Eh... Maka?" he started, as she stopped reading to briefly look at him, nodding for him to continue, as she returned to her book, a content smile on her face.

"I... found something earlier, I have been looking for you. I suggest you grab an extremely thick book." he continued, as she looked up from her book, her smile gone, as she raised an eyebrow.

"Why? What happened this time, Soul?" she asked, annoyed by everything that has happened through the entire week. She listened to his advice and lazily grabbed a very thick book, easily eight hundred pages, and not so small in length, either. He knew Black*Star was in _great _trouble now._  
><em>

"Well... Black*Sta-" he started but was interrupted by a groan from Maka, that just screamed _ 'as always!'_. "As I was saying, Black*Star wrote a few... jokes, about you?" he said, fear settling into his eyes, as he prayed not to be on the receiving end of the chop.

"How many?" asked Maka, fire already burning in her deep, emerald eyes.

"Uh... I think Kid helped... There are eight hundred eighty-eight of them." he said, as he flipped to the last page of the impressing stack of paper. It was still uncomparably small to the book Maka was holding.

"Read them out loud." she said, surprising him.

"You don't mean like... All of them?!" he shouted, his eyes the sizes of saucers.

"Every single one, we're done with lessons for today anyways, and I have to decide who and how chard to chop. I know Black*Star's sense of humor, so I'll know when a joke isn't his.

"Well, alright, but suit yourself, and don't you chop me! Here I go..." he said, as he settled on the couch, next to Maka, as he started reading out loud to first joke.

_1. Fear of spiders is called Arachnophobia, fear of wind is called Anemophobia, fear of Maka is called Logic._

"I can't think of anyone else than Ox. I swear, when I get my hands on him!" she shouted, as she was already getting mad, and they literally just got started.

_2. Maka is the reason why Waldo is hiding._

"That's definitely Black*Star." he said for her, she was already red from rage.

"Let's just skim through those from now on, no sense wasting our time with comments." she said, trying to calm down.

_3. Maka flashed before her life's eyes._

_4. Shinigami-sama once had a near-Maka experience_

_5. Once a python bit Maka. After five days of excruciating pain, the snake died._

Soul started laughing hard and Maka shouted something about pythons not being venomous.

_6. Maka puts the laughter in 'manslaughter'._

_7. Maka actually died two years ago, the Grim Reaper just has no courage to tell her._

_8. Maka refers to herself in fourth person._

_9. Newborn babies cry because they know they entered a world with Maka in it._

_10. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Maka._

"I say we go home and finish reading this there. We have all weekend for this." Soul said as he stood up, the pile of papers under his arm, as he followed Maka out.

It was going to be a long weekend...

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><p><strong>I hope you liked the first chapter of my first Soul Eater fic! Remember to Review and FollowFavourite if you want more!**


	2. Chapter 2 (11-12) - Return of the Chop

It was past 3PM when Soul and Maka got home to their own apartment, their minds off the bundle of jokes for a while as they were going back home, the sun was hanging high in the sky, lazily laughing, it was the middle of summer, and the sun wouldn't go down before 10PM.

"Do you want to eat something and rest before we continue with this... thing?" Soul asked, as he sat down on the couch in the living room.

"I'll make us some tea, calm before the storm and all that." Maka replied, as she went into the kitchen to brew some tea. Soul turned on the TV as he laid the heavy pile of papers next to him, he flipped the channels until he found an action movie, content with his choice, he watched it and waited for Maka to be done in the kitchen.

And then Soul's blood ran cold, a shiver down his spine.

He made a few jokes about Maka a few days ago.

To Black*Star.

He turned off the TV and grabbed the pile of jokes, shifting through the fifty pages of jokes.

If the idiot payed attention to every single joke from Soul, then there would be three jokes somewhere on these pages.

Three jokes that could lead to a _very_ deadly Maka-chop. Soul did not get a proper chop in two weeks already, and he was happy to be rid of the pain for such a long time.

But he could see that Maka was ready to chop anyone, even the Reaper himself if she had to.  
>One is not supposed to anger a woman. Especially a woman such as Maka.<p>

He had a pen in his hand as he found two of his jokes, but he could not find the third joke. Maka returned with two cups of tea, as she sat on the sofa next to him, placing his tea on the table.

He hid the pen and looked over the jokes a final time.

His third joke was actually first up, on the second page... How had he missed it?!

_'Alright, keep calm Soul, you're a cool guy, Maka doesn't know your sense of humor that good, right?!'_ he thought, as he kept a poker face on the outside. On the inside, he was already bracing himself for the pain.

"Alright, continue, Soul!" Maka said, not exactly oblivious, as she could detect Soul's panic even in the kitchen. Panic, fear and annoyance were flying through Soul.

_'Alright, here I go. I always loved you, my bike, take care of yourself, I might not be back!'_

_11. Maka is flat because she scared her breasts off._

For a while Maka was quiet, as she was frozen, she was taking the first sip from her cup. She eased up, and he felt relieved, he was going to live yet another day.

Nope.

"ᴹᵃᵏᵃ⋅⋅⋅"

When Soul heard the quiet voice of Maka, he shot up, took his first big step towards his bedroom as he was about to take off into a sprint towards the bedroom.

"ᶜʰᵒᵖ﹗"

He was sent flying through the corridor, hitting a wall, and making a huge dent.

Maka walked over to him, grabbed his lying form by the collar, and started shaking him as if her life depended on it.

"You. Perverted. Idiot. How. Could. You. Make. That. Dumb. Joke. And. Think. You'd. Get. Away. With. It?!" she shouted, each word accented by a hard slap.

When she was finished with letting out her anger and frustration from the past two weeks, Soul couldn't get up.

"If I find one more joke from your traitorous ass, I _will _end you, Soul! You will regret the day you met Black*Star and got bros with him!" she shouted dragging him on the floor by his collar back on the couch, throwing the bundle of jokes into his face.

"Now read." she finished, grabbing her cup of tea, obviously irritated.

_12. Maka chops everyone because she's sexually frustrated_

Oh. He made four jokes. Now he could remember.

The next thing he could remember was seeing red, crashing through a window and flying through the air, landing on the street.

He landed next to Black*Star, who was walking on the street. Black*Star noticed what Soul was holding.

The man who would surpass God looked into the window of Soul's and Maka's apartment and saw Maka run away from the window, and he could hear her footsteps down the stairs.

As Black*Star ran seventy miles per hour, he could only feel one thing at the moment.

Pure fear.

Maka has made a vow to herself. On that day, before the sun went down, she would pummel Black*Star into the ground, and only then she would continue to read the jokes, with him sitting near her, getting a chop for every one of his jokes.

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><p><strong>Wow! What was that? Daily updates from me?! I usually take a few months when I update fanfics!<strong>

**If you want, you can send me your own jokes through private messages, if you feel like sharing your own sense of humor!**


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